Michael Dirda on love

One of my favorite critics, Michael Dirda of the Washington Post, has a nice review of a new compilation of love stories, edited by Jeffrey Eugenides. Dirda at his best writes essays that seesaw between a certain bookish melancholy and a contagious, almost euphoric, enthusiasm.

Jewish-Alaskan Noir

The Coen brothers will be directing a film version of The Yiddish Policeman's Union. Awesome! I hope John Turturro is involved. This could be deeply cool.

Millionaires

This is a funny book review. The book in question celebrates "the middle class millionaire," ie the nouveau riche, and his/her/their special capacity for innovation, or something. The book is, as Janet Maslin writes, "woefully ill-timed," as it has just come out, but was written, without any foresight, before the subprime crisis hit. Something about that makes me happy-perhaps just the ring of "woefully ill-timed."

Goodbye Volvo, Hello Hawaii Chair!

This morning we said goodbye to the beloved Volvo. It served us well for a long time, and at 25 years and who-knows-how-many miles, it needed to retire to its next job as an organ donor.

I'm thinking of spending the money I save on car insurance on this:
Hawaii Chair

A Successful Bee Move

My dad has been from the foothills of Mt. Hood to the valley of central California transporting bees over the long weekend, and giving me a couple updates along the way. The first voicemail described the window-high snow in southern Oregon. The second one, sent a few hours ago, was also in southern Oregon, in the daytime, with much different conditions. All in all, the bee move went smoothly. It was a success, though I haven't heard how many times he got stung yet...

Strange comments

I was just reading some of the comments posted on a NYT article. The entry concerned the lack of major policy disputes between the Democratic campaigns, and how that could mean a unified party behind the eventual nominee. I don't normally read people's comments on articles like that, because they're often so full of bile. And there are many better things to do.

Well, though the comments were somewhat mixed-there were even-headed ones in there- there was a strong vein of anti-Obama venom. This surprised me, as mostly what one sees or hears is the old anti-Clinton saw. But, behold, everyone is open for hatred! Obama was accused in the comments of being a reverse-racist, a misogynist, and, by a couple of posters, as a sinister candidate of empty promises, a la GWB and his compassionate conservatism. There was also mention of voters "young and stupid."

Several posters said if Obama won the nomination, they would vote for McCain, as he has more character, which they valued more highly than his policy. These were Democrats. On the other hand, several Republicans said they would vote for Obama over McCain.

I found the whole thing a bit spooky-backlit as it was by the charges of racism and misogyny. I wonder who these people are, and how many of them are politically employed to post weird messages.

Cult of Personality

In several New York Times articles-both editorial and op-ed- there's been mention of a fear that Obama's supporters are caught up in what may amount to a "cult of personality." I suppose what the writers are insinuating is that his followers are not self-critical: they see a warm, faultless ideal instead of a politician. While somewhere there may be some truth to this--I think a lot of people have what amounts to a crush on Obama-- I can't help but feel that more than anything it's the whine of people who wish their candidate was more charismatic.

It's strange coming, as it is, from supporters of a politician's politician- a leader with all the brutal tools of campaigning, with no reserve when it comes to triangulation (see her support of a constitutional ban on flag burning), etc, etc. She is so deft with everything, but she isn't charismatic. This doesn't mean she wouldn't serve well as a leader, but for all their talk of the real world and being able to stand up to Republicans, her supporters sure give short shrift to charisma. They didn't back when Bill was running.

Of course, Bill blew it. And continues to. But wouldn't it be nice to keep him around?

Notes on the Perfect Crime

As some of you may know, the concept of the perfect crime is often on my mind. Perhaps you share this fixation, if so, next time we meet you can give me the secret handshake. This is the first in what may be a series of thoughts on the Perfect Crime. Later entries will be:

The Perfect Crime: Is it Truly Possible?

and

The Perfect Crime: The Perfect Caper, The Perfect Heist

as well as

The Perfect Crime: The Creation of Economic Systems: A Perfect Crime?


Today, however, I will embark on the subject in all its broadness, and general vagueness. First of all, when people think about a Perfect Crime, often they think of a crime of specifics, involving perhaps a complicated bank or casino robbery from which the perpetrators escape unscathed and fabulously wealthy. This conception of the Perfect Crime is, I feel, unduly narrow, but is of course quite exciting. These sorts of crimes will be covered later, in The Perfect Crime: The Perfect Caper, The Perfect Heist.

Let's talk about Perfect Crime strategies. At their most basic, there are only two:

1. The way of the mastermind

2. The way of the artful improviser

The mastermind has a perfect plan; he is the watchmaker of crime, a great prognosticator, a lover of finely tuned intricacy. He requires, however, a static situation with few variables. The flux of life is his nemesis.

The artful improviser has a plan, but this plan serves a more humble role: it is a catalyst for a situation which cannot be completely foreseen. The improviser expects variables and entropy, he hopes to use them in his favor. This means that he must sometimes change his goal mid-crime, i.e. steal the painting instead of the diamonds. It takes panache and suavity, after the act, to artfully explain that the painting was what you were after all along, despite earlier statements.

An example: Say an artful improviser introduces, via certain channels, an idea that may in the future provide him with a chance for great wealth. Let's say he sets out to make people less physically flexible. Who knows what will come of that situation? A lot of pulled muscles, no doubt, but what else? An opportunity which, invisible at the beginning, he will now pounce upon! For he has been doing his stretches all along, and now that the rest of the world is less flexible, he can outrun them. He can unleash his bobcats on them. Or he can sell them his special muscle cream at an obscene mark-up. Perhaps the muscle cream has other properties, such as mind control.

But such a complex situation requires the skills of both a mastermind and an improviser. One must be doubly talented to pull off the perfect crime.

Stretching: A good idea?

Apparently not. According to several reports stretching, particularly for periods of 4 or more minutes, makes you have wobbly joints when you get old. And get this: over stretching the abdominal region, which doesn't take much, results in baggy heart muscles. Which are obviously a very bad thing. Doctors are saying that yoga might lead to nonspiritual heart murmurs and loosey-goosey guts. It's all on the Mayo Clinic website.

Signed Over

By renaming this blog, "Chrystal's Shrimp Louie Wisconsin House of Variety," Ben unbeknowingly deeded it to me. I am kind enough to allow "Jr. Sailor-Frond" (ahem!) to post as well. I promise to post often about cats, as I am crazy and have few outlets in my life. Peace be with you.

If you'd like to learn how deeds work, please check this out.

Stretching

Recently I was standing in line at the grocery store, flipping through a running magazine, and I came across an article about stretching. Apparently, they've been testing the effectiveness of stretching-quads, hamstrings, everything-and it turns out that over time, it may be detrimental to muscle and tendon health. I didn't really believe it. Then, a few weeks later, I was watching a news show on PBS, and a different study was presented, also anti-stretching. Nearly every every kind of stretch is bad in the long term. Be careful.

All God's Dangers

I've started reading All God's Dangers, an autobiographical account of a sharecropper who lived in east central Alabama- sort of near Auburn. The guy, Nate Shaw, dictated his life story to a writer over the course of a few years, and it's really pretty good. But one thing I've been thinking about was in the preface:

"Nate Shaw belongs to the tradition of farmer-storytellers. These people appear in all civilizations and are only beginning to disappear in the most advanced ones. Their survival is bound up with the fate of communities of small farmers. When these communities disperse and farms become larger, fewer in number, and owned more and more by absentee investors, the sources of story material and audiences dry up.
But the decline of storytelling is more complicated than this. It has to do with the passing of craft activities, like basketmaking, which generate the rhythms at which stories flow..."

The book was published in 1973 so no doubt the farmer-storyteller is an even rarer character nowadays. What stuck in my head was the bit about basketmaking, and how we really have gotten away from tasks like that, rhythmic manual tasks. We need more whittlers, more knife sharpeners, more dough-kneaders...

Fortunately, there are still plenty of beer drinkers, which may be the best storytelling activity of all, aside from wine drinking, and possibly-if you're gonna bring up the south- whiskey drinking.

Jamming

I have time to jam... Right now! It's time to jam.

Chrystal's idea

This was Chrystal's idea, so I wouldn't email her anymore with ranty emails about Gloria Steinem. Good luck, Chrystal! And pleased to meet you, internet. My name is Ben's Shrimp Louie Wisconsin House of Variety! and my goal is to bore the pants off everyone who visits me, which adds up to me, and Chrystal once every two weeks. Enjoy!